the wanting to be something for someone that you'll never ever actually be.

I don't know about you, but I do this thing all the time. I try to pretend like I don't care about someone that much, when really all I want is for them to ask me to talk them away and sleep in their world and rip them from the painfully ridiculous lifestyle they've made for themselves and make everything okay. I say, I can do that! I can be that! I promise I'll fix you! And then I realize that I need to fix them so that they can fix me too. But that's never part of the deal. Here's the other part, the easier part to talk about that you probably can really relate to. I say I'm going to do something and be something and see something and then never actually do. But not just in a simple way. Not in a lazy way. Not just saying something for emphasis, but really really actually wanting to do it. And the reason why I don't is because I am busy doing something and being something and seeing something else. While in the process of those other 'more important' things, I forget about the things I had every intention of doing in the first place. Example: I really want to go to this place/see this show/try this restaurant in New York because I am leaving it soon and want to make sure I go there before it's too late. Okay. I will do that tomorrow. Tonight I will work, and then go home and go to bed early so I can wake up and do things. Or not? Tonight I will drink things and stay up late doing things I shouldn't be doing and worry about things I shouldn't worry about and never ever ever go to sleep because I might miss something in the night time that I'll never see again. And then the light comes. And then I get stressed because the birds are chirping and 'even if I go to bed now I'll only get 3 hours of sleep and that's not enough!' and blahblahblah and I'll never be able to enjoy whatever lavish plan I made for myself before I got drunk. And then the plan is drowned out by demonic nightmares and shrunken heads. And so it goes.

And so my time goes. Peacefully ticking against my sweat stained skin as my heart reaches out for my better half, begging me to GET - IT - TO - GETHER - PLEASE. okay. Tomorrow I will.